a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I want to have your abortion
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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