i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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