I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
