end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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