that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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