summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
