Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
