I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
