we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
