Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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