Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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