I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Randomize
