you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
