I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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