I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Dick very happy bro
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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