his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
