i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
