Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
