Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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