before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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