a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
