yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Everything about him screamed your future.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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