so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
My penis needs a shock collar
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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