; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
