I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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