My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
