I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
