last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
