All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
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You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
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Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
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