I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
