So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
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