so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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