no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I need moral support for this bender
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
