I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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