dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
