don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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