"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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