im gay
i know
yea but for you.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
