Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Two words: blizzard sex
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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