just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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