im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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