The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
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