My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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