paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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