Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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