He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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