she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
