Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
