Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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