and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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