Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
