3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Can I color on your dick again?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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