maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
