If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
