Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Randomize
