Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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