booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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