idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
