i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
