There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
