Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
