my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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