i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
