so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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