I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Lo siento on account of my penis...
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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