How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
