Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
