you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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