I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
