you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
