I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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