nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
