I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
