I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
