I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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