ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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