I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
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I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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