I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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